but i can't coz i love him...43

shit!!! i miss him like shit!!!
why do i miss him, anyway?!!!
maybe because i see other people getting it on with each other,
and here i am, the plain jane in town!!!
i'm so annoyed, and i don't know what to do!!!
this sounds so pathetic, but this is how i feel!!!
i even made a list about him: what i hate and love about him...
i easily finished the hate part,
and i had to deeply think about the love part for them to be equal!!!
i don't even know why i love him so much!!!
yes, i said love!!!
i think i love him!!!
i think if you miss someone this much,
you can definitely say that you love that person!!!
you have no idea how much i miss him!!!
every morning, i smile because i dreamed about him!!!
every night, i think about him before i sleep,
so i dream about him!!!
he's part of my cycle!!!
do you know what's more annoying?
everyone hates him!!!
everyone thinks he's a jerk!!!
here i am defending his ass!!!
i just don't think he's that kind of person!!!
he's a lot more than that...
i know he's this and that,
but maybe he can change,
or maybe we just get the wrong idea...
i don't know anymore!!!
i'm so confused!!!
everyone's against him!!!
everyone thinks i'm gonna like this other guy,
but i just seriously don't think so!!!
urgh!!!
and the stupid prom!!!
worrying what to wear, and who's gonna ask me?!!!
that's the last thing i should be thinking right now!!!
anyway, i just seriously don't know what to do!!!
i feel like a star fish under a rock!!!
it's comfortable for me coz it's my house,
but everyone thinks that i'm gonna die under that rock!!!
it's like he's a killer or something...
everyone's telling me to go away from him...
but i can't coz i love him...
i can't talk about him with anyone...
whenever i do that, they just say, "he's such a jerk!!!"
it makes me feel really sad whenever people do that to him!!!
that's why i'm writing it down...
i don't have to tell other people about it...
i just have to keep typing...
sometimes i feel like i'm the only one on earth...
i sometimes feel so lonely and sad...
whenever i think about him,
sometimes i smile, but sometimes i cry...
i smile coz of the things he did before...
all of them...
the things that can make my stomach feel weird...
i cry coz i miss him so much...
i cry coz i can't tell anyone how much i love him...
i can't even tell him coz he won't give me the answer i would want...
i guess i have to risk rejection...
but i don't want to...
he won't take me seriously...
he'd probably laugh at my face thinking i'm just joking...
(sigh...)
sometimes, i just wanna burst ito tears and scream my throat out!!!
i just feel that i have no one to depend on!!!
everyone thinks i have no problems at all,
they think i'm just this happy and jolly person in happy-jolly land!!!
but whenever i go home, and whenever i'm alone in my room,
i look into space to think about stuff about him...
to exercise my brain a little bit...
i just don't know what to do anymore...
i don't know how i'm gonna defend him anymore...
why does everyone hate him anyway?!!!
he's not doing anything to you guys...
you guys just think too much about him...
he might've done stupid stuff,
but we all have...
anyway, enough about defending him...
i just wanna figure out how i'm gonna see him...
he's so far way...
he's on the other side of the globe...
i guess we'll just leave it like that...
i guess we'll just let it be gone...
i guess i'll just stop thinking about him...
i guess i'll just stop missing him...
but i can't coz i love him...